How can family mediation help sort out arrangements for the children?

• Separation and Divorce
• Revisiting Contact or Other Arrangements
• Direct Consultation with Children in Mediation
• Grandparent/Grandchild contact

Separation and Divorce:

"Mum and Dad were so busy fighting they forgot how I'd be feeling. After they'd been to mediation they listened to each other more and to me"
Source: UK College of Family Mediators

We recognise that the ending of a relationship can be a very stressful time. It can be even more difficult if you are worried about the children's future.

Once you know you are going to separate it is often a good idea to try to sort out arrangements for the children to give them security in a time of change and uncertainty. It also enables you, the parents, to move on to dealing with other issues to do with your separation or divorce.

Mediation can help you stand back from the problems between you and your partner and focus on an important area of common interest: the welfare and well-being of your children.

We always remember that parents are the people who know their children best. We help you come to the best decisions for their future.

We will work through the issues that need to be addressed. We can also look at specific matters or a whole parenting plan. We can help raise some questions you may not have thought about previously, such as how the children will be told about the changes they may be facing.

Some of the decisions you face as parents may appear to be quite distant at this stage. For example, if your child or children are still quite young, decisions about secondary school choices can seem a lifetime away. While it may not be feasible to make those decisions now, in mediation we can talk about developing a pattern of communication and the ways in which you will jointly share parenting of your children.

Hopefully, when future decisions (both seen and unforeseen) have to be made there will be an agreed, tried and tested channel of communication between you for the benefit of your children.

Mediation is about co-operation not opposition. It keeps you talking and builds for the future.

We can usually arrange a first meeting within a week and meetings as quickly as possible after that. It could all be sorted out in a few weeks.

• Revisiting Contact or Other Arrangements

You may have separated or divorced some time ago and contact or other arrangements were in place but have subsequently broken down. We can help re-establish these and look at ways of avoiding future difficulties. Similarly, if you feel the current arrangements are in danger of breaking down a mediator could work with you and your ex to look at ways of avoiding this happening before it is too late.

• Direct Consultation with Children in Mediation

We can offer Direct Consultation with Children in Mediation using the services of a trained specialist and accredited mediator who has over15 years experience of working with children.

If you are not attending mediation but are using the services of solicitors, we can offer Direct Consultation with Children as a 'one-off' service to help bring their views into your discussions. Children sometimes feel they are being asked to take sides or are afraid of hurting either or both parents. You may feel it would help to have the children talk to a 'neutral' person who could help you both find out 'what the children think' with both their and your permission.

Normally we would only see children of secondary school age but would consider seeing a younger child if he/she was accompanied by an older sibling. Both parents would need to agree to the consultation and we would of course discuss the process in advance with you both and answer any questions you have, without obligation.

For more details request a copy of our leaflet on 'Direct Consultation with Children' through the 'Contact Us' page on this website.

• Grandparent/Grandchild contact

If you are a grandparent who is concerned about losing contact with your grandchild or grandchildren we may be able to help. Though you may be able to go to court to have your contact rights given legal status (a solicitor can help you with this) you may want to consider mediation first. We would contact the other party or parties and ask them to consider attending mediation and outline what may be possible. We can assure you that we would take a gentle, friendly approach and do everything we could to avoid making matters worse.